In dedication to all those who have had my heart, mind and body...
and abused me, neglected me and thrown me away.

I refuse to let you win,
I will be more than you say I am
My life is not worthless...
and neither are my words.
For if I can save one person
from the hell you've put me thru
Then I have succeeded in yet another way.

For I have already succeeded in surviving
in not giving up.
Not giving you the pleasure
of knowing that you've won.
As much as I hate to admit it
there are some things you have taught me
thru these years.

There is hope.. when all seems grim
and no matter what I have done,
the abuse I have been given
I did not deserve.
Nor will I allow to happen again.

And I will fight.. to let every woman know.
That they too.. do not deserve to go through
the abuse and the pain.
For they are truly beautiful
and worth more than they know.

 

To fear what the out come will be, if dinner isn't just right, is wrong. To be paranoid because you have to be exactly on time, or you will pay for it later is horrid. The acts of an abuser are wrong and inexcusable.

I've lived through the hours of fear as 5 o'clock arises, knowing that he will be home soon, but not knowing if dinner is done to his liking, or if the house was cleaned exactly right. I've lived knowing that I want to get out, but being to scared that he will find me, and will hurt me even worse.

The words of hatred that he said felt like razors flying at high speed slicing right through me. Eventually, I began to believe those words, to believe that I was useless, fat, ugly, and that no one else would ever want me or put up with me. I began to believe that I deserved this pain.

It wasn't until the abuse that I had lived with for years was done to my child, that I finally realized that I had to get out, no matter what. A child is innocent, in no way deserves abuse. Finding the strength to stand up and leave, is the hardest thing anyone would ever have to do. It takes a lot of courage to walk away leaving everything behind.

I have been safe and free since 1997. I now know that I did not deserve that abuse, no matter what I had done. I now know, that I want to do all I can to help women in similar situations to get out, and be safe. I hope that it doesn’t take as long as it did for me, and a child getting hurt before they leave.

 

Please know that there is help out there, and that you’re not alone.

Links to Survival

Women Escaping A Violent Enviroment- WEAVE

National Coalition Against Domestic Violence- NCADV

National Domestic Violence Hotline- 1-800-799-SAFE